So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
