i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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