And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
