You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
