eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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