Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
