Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
