from now on my penis is your penis
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
