I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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