so let's talk penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize