Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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