I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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