You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
