Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
