Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
