I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize