in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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