i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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