3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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