there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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