i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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