he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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