I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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