She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize