She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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