No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
