That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
