I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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