so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
