Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
