Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
