you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
