just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
