Your dad touched me again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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