I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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