I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
