note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize