You smell like stripper and shame
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
