dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
