I'd wear matching sweaters with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Come see our sink grown plant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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