Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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