Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
