well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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