You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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