She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
