Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
