My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
