I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
