I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
