Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
