I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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