i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize