Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think i have two assholes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
