question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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