I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rumble strips road head = magical
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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