The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
