saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
