I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
