matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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