Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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