i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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