Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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