so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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