Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Alive.
So much puke
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
