I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just gargled with NyQuil
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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