Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
