Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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