Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
